Sharing is Caring or Sharing is Depriving?

The phrase Sharing is Caring is so common these days that you may be trapped to feel not caring if you choose not to share. However are we really sharing for the sincerity of truly caring for someone or pressured by this phrase?

As parents, we  want to teach our children good values. Have it ever occurred to you, that at times, we may be teaching them the wrong things, depriving them of their rights, limiting learning through self exploration or inhibiting traits that can be very important later in life?

How we teach the concept of sharing can be an example of how we unintentionally force children to do something right involuntarily and how it inhibits the concept of assertiveness in children. Most common, when another child approaches our child who is busy playing with a particular toy, we tell them stuff like "Share your toy, you've had enough time playing already." Our child obediently gives the toy away or with some struggle, we may say "You'll get to play next time, you must share!" When this takes place, children feel that they were not willing to stop playing yet and their fun were taken away, instantly, this negative feelings are associated with sharing. A couple of such scene will form a strong association that sharing isn't fun, you'd be left with a child who hates sharing but is doing it out of fear, out of having to conform.

Imagine we as adults going through this scenario. If you are using the computer at home, somebody comes over and tells you "I want to use the computer now." How will you feel? You will definitely want that person to wait for his turn, that is to wait for you to finish doing whatever you were doing on the computer, before he gets the turn to use it.

The same concept applies for children, they do expect others to respect their rights. Teach children the concept of turn-taking. Instead of us adults telling them "Ok, I will count to ten and then its time for you to give her the toy." teach them to say "Let me finish playing and I will give it to you." This way your child learns turn-taking not adult-directed but child-directed. Your child will associate sharing with a feeling of joyful. Because giving up the toy at a point when the child is happy builds association  between sharing with joy and will want to repeat such behaviour for the joy they experienced. Hence sharing becomes voluntary. They also develop assertiveness, the ability to communicate their mind and needs. The concept of turn taking also teaches them to practice patience.

By approaching this from a different angle, we teach three important things that will be very useful for them as they grow; assertiveness, sharing and patience. Here's just a twist of how parenting can be done the fun way. Happy parenting!