Supporting Your Child's Creativity

My daughter's latest creation prompted me to write this and share with as many parents as I can. She came back from school one day and as usual her afternoons are usually busy with her own exploration of things around the house. This time, she started playing with play dough, all by herself while I was doing something, when I got to her, I saw that she had shaped the play dough into small balls and inserted birthday candles in each of the ball and told me that they were lollipops. She knew where I kept the birthday candles, so there wasn't a need to get my help. So you see, she has been working on this all by herself with no supervision at all. Then she came and sat beside me and was still busy looking and perfecting the lollipop shape. All of a sudden, she asked "mama, do you have diamonds like the ones on your skirt?" (I was wearing a skirt that was decorated with sequins) and I asked "what do you need them for?" She said it was for decorating her lollipops to make it look nicer. I got up, walked to the store room, got my tailoring basket and hand her a box of sequin and glitter beads. Off she went and sat by a corner in the living room, perfecting her creation of the lollipop.  

So how can you develop creativity? How do you see your child creating art pieces, new games, new ways of doing things, new ways of playing with one toy?

Believe me, children are born with a powerful imagination that allows them  to be creative, what we need to do is to provide encouragement and space. Common mommies and daddies, we definitely can make a difference in our children's development, let's take that step!

1. Provide space
Create a space that is solely for your child to get messy and create. Often times, the problems of not wanting to have a mess causes parents to hinder a child's need to explore and create. So how do you solve this? Dedicate a small space just for your child. This space does not have to be an elaborate playroom equipped with so many toys and beautifully decorated. You do not need to burn a whole in your pocket to create this space. It can be a small corner in  your house with a small table and a shelf nearby. Or it can be a small corner, covered with a carpet. Tell your child that this corner is for her/him and that whatever mess is to be limited there.

2. Make it convenient
Next is to have things they need within reach. Having a shelf and storing art supplies, play dough, and some toys helps them to get creative whenever they feel like it or whenever ideas struck without having to wait for parents to help them get supplies.

3. Free play
Encourage lots of "free play time". It is very important that you allow them some unstructured time in which they can do just anything they want. Free play provides the much needed exploration which is crucial is developing creativity. Through free play, your child has the chance to try out how things work, how some objects can have many functions and how things around them can be used as toys, or for creating some art pieces. Free play also plays a role in developing critical thinking and problem solving, which are very important skills you want your child to have as they grow.

4. Exposure to different experiences
Another way to encourage creativity is giving your child different experiences. How can you achieve this without having to spend so much? The easiest way is by reading, stock up on good books about the world, about different places, about animals in different parts of the world, about cultures and celebrations of different people. Visit the library to find interesting stuff to read and then share the story together, think how some plots could have been different. Ask your child what would she/he do if she/he was the lead character in that book. Visit places which will not cause you much, places that provide opportunities to observe and explore.

5. Avoid managing
And finally, hold that urge to manage, do things for them or wanting them to do things your way. For creativity to grow, they must explore and do stuff freely. Don't force them to colour the grass green! Even if they choose to color the grass purple, in reality they know that the grass is green! This is their way of living their imagination. Let them be!

Let your child be free, provides lots of encouragement and see how they grow!

Are you Listening? You Wonder......How to talk to get your child to cooperate.

"Ali, clean your room, put your toys away then come eat!" yells Ali's mom while she's in the kitchen. Half an hour later, mom comes out from the kitchen and finds Ali in front of the TV. "Have you clean your room?" she yells again. At this juncture, Ali drags his feet to his room, making his mom further angry, and then she starts nagging "You......blah.....blah....blah....." for almost fifteen minutes.

This depicts a situation in so many households where parents are not able to communicate effectively with their children. A bad communication at home leads to many unwanted feelings, breeds disrespect and causes unnecessary commotion. There are ways how you can communicate with your children to get them to listen and respond accordingly. Here are several important points you may want to consider:


1. Eye contact

Always get your child's attention by looking at him in his eyes. Kneel down if you need, bring your eye to his eye level before you begin talking.

2. Keep it simple

Use direct sentence that is short, simple. Go straight to what you want your child to do. Use one sentence at a time. Too much babbling only drifts their attention away. When you see your child giving you a disinterested look, he is no longer listening or understanding you. He's given you a deaf ear. Example : "Ali, please put your toys away." Do not say "Ali, put your toys away, they make the whole house messy. Just look at that, is that how you like your house to be?" This second sentence is a BIG no no. A child will definitely love to conveniently have their toys laying around just anywhere, so you do not want to get that as an answer from them!

3. Repeat your request

The best way to know your child has understood your request is to make him repeat your request. Example : "What do you need to do Ali?" This way, you know for sure that he listened and knows what he needs to do.

4. Use the behaviour - consequence approach

Get your child to do what he needs to before he gets what he wants. You do this, you get this. "Put your toys away and then you can watch your favorite cartoon." This informs the child that you expect obedience, that the child needs to obey before he gets what he wishes for. Be cautious however, not to begin your sentence with "If...." when you use this approach. "If....." implies a choice, as if you are telling your child that he has a choice to do or not to do.

5. Speak with respect

When making requests, always start with "Please....." and don't forget to say "Thank you....." when your child completes what you have asked him to do. Social manners begin at a very young age and if you want to instill this is your child, you will need to start practicing them yourself. You need to be what you want your child to be. Children learn the most through modeling, so you better show them good manners.

6. Speak according to your child's developmental stage

This requires some understanding of your chid's developmental stage. However, an easy rule to follow is the younger they are, the simpler you speak.

7. Avoid threats

Avoid using threats when speaking with your child. Example "If you don't clean up, I will throw all your toys." Threats can always backfire, why? Because children actually see if you keep to your words. So when you say something like the above sentence, are you REALLY prepared to throw their toys and then buy new ones when they need? When your child sees that you didn't really do want you threatened to do, they will trust you less. And you will find it difficult to get them to cooperate in the future because they simply know you will not do what you say, so at the end of the day, they get it their way!

8. Inform in advance

This tip is especially helpful when you need to leave the park, the playground, the swimming pool or any place where your child is having fun or engage in something. Give them an advance notice that you are about to leave. Example: "Ali, we're leaving in ten minutes." This gives the child a time to prepare himself to part with what he is doing and he does not need to stop abruptly.



If you follow the above tips and make it a practice in your household, you will notice that your children will listen and cooperate. With any method or rule, it is important that you follow through and maintain it in every situation so that it becomes habitual, therefore you will naturally speak in ways that your child will listen and respond accordingly, which in turn shapes your child into a disciplined individual. All the best in communicating with your angels!

The Strong-Willed Child

My first child was an easy baby, one who listens when you reason with him, one who has patience, one who is calm and he is a BOY. So when my doctor told me that I was expecting a girl as my second child, I candidly thought "okay, she'll be easy too..." How wrong was I to make such an assumption! My daughter turns to be the total opposite of her brother. She is not the kid who will easily give up on her wants, not even with logic reasoning. She is persistent, brave, daring and will do anything that interests her with no fear.

I’ve raise my first child pretty well, though of course, there are bound to be some challengers. But with a strong-willed girl, at times I find myself at wits' end as to how best shall I raise her, be her greatest fan and greatest partner. I know it is definitely good that she's strong willed. This is the very characteristic of a go-getter, a self-driven, and a motivated person.  With strong-willed children you’ve got to be very tactful on how you deal with them for you do not want to kill the confidence they have. Here’s an article I’d like to share, giving you 10 Tips for Positive Parenting Your Strong-Willed, Spirited Child. Enjoy!

Dr. Laura Markham Parenting Your Strong-Willed Child

The Many Ways to Bond......

Arriving home at 7pm after work, it gives me limited amount of time to spend with my kids before they head for the bed by 9.30pm. But last night I think I managed to make the most it.As I stood at the island in my kitchen, preparing fish and chips for dinner, my son came running asking if he can help. Readily, I said "yeah....sure you can...come on...sprinkle some salt on the fish." Then came my two year old pretty princess who cleverly took her stool to the sink, stood on it and tried to wash her cup and several utensils in the sink, I just let her enjoy that moment of independence washing, playing with water while I and my son continued with our fish and chips. We didn't just cook, we chatted as well, with my son telling me about his day and the things he did and encountered. My typical evening of preparing dinner turned out to be such a fulfilling moment besides preparing a wholesome meal seasoned with love and joy for my family, it was a time for us to bond with them plus At the same time, I get free help without yelling or shouting; a good way to instill altruism in children.

Have you experience this before? Wasn't it such a pleasant and memorable moment? Working mothers often find it hard juggling the many roles and responsibilities. With the ever increasing demand from work, we often find it difficult to have quality time with our children, to be able to bond with them, to inculcate values and morals in them. Though this is the situation, with some twist and good time management, we can do it. Take every opportunity you have like the above to bring your child closer to you. From what I see here, you don't just kill two birds with a stone, in fact more! Isn't this good? I say WHY NOT?

Go! Be creative and enjoy your kids.

You want respect, you've gotta give it!

The idea of this article came to me recently during an outing with my son at a departmental store. Were walking when a lady knocked into my son and just walked away without saying a word, "You knock people and you cannot even say sorry?" said my son. This came from a young boy who is only 6 years of age, the lady I must be in her forties and sadly she left her manners elsewhere and a young boy had to remind her of it. I don't know if she heard what my boy said, what more will she think of that statement.

We adults are so eager teaching respect to children and demand it from them. We are busy teaching children to respect us that we forget, respect is earned and not given! We love to think that kids have to respect adults because we are adults, as if its programmed, automatic.

Respect is an element in life that is earned. You need to model it in order for children to emulate. Just as much as you want children to respect you, you too need to respect them. In our day to day hassle, some parent yell at their children to get things done or when children don't behave in the manner parents expect. You may see an instant result but not a lasting one. The children merely respond the way you want them to, out of fear, not respect, hence the change is not a long term one. Let's make a change. Learn ways to teach respect.

More tips on this here:

http://www.drrobynsilverman.com/parenting-tips/10-tips-on-teaching-respect-to-children-you-cant-get-it-if-you-dont-give-it/

Distance Parenting – from a mother’s perspective

It was in Feb 2010 when my husband decided that he was going to start a business in Sg.Petani, Kedah. When he made this decision, he gave me the option to choose to move to SP or to continue living in KL. All my life, I have been in KL. I just could not imagine going to any other state, thinking how much advanced KL is. After much thought, we both agreed that we were going to live separately until our first child completes his pre-school in KL, ensuring that he has solid foundation and a good start in education, which means we will live apart for two years. Discussing this was not easy, but once we had the decision, we felt better, relieved in a way that I know my son will get good English start at an English medium school in KL and I do not have to be away from my comfort place, KL. But when the day came to sent my husband off, how heavy my heart was that I will never want to relive that experience ever again. It was so difficult for me and my son and moreover now that I have a baby, only 3 months old at that time.

It was the most testing time of my life, having to juggle everything on my own without the support of my other half. My son who is very attached to my husband is badly affected in the first few weeks. He would cry at night, he would cry in the morning before going to school, refusing food and when asked to eat, he will break down and cry telling me he misses his father. He became a little sensitive at the beginning. So I had to ensure that all communication with my son has to be done tactfully. I would call my husband to allow my son to speak to his father every time he asks about his father. I had to make arrangements on weekends to take my kids out and have a good time so that their weekends will be as same as the weekends they use to have when their father was in KL.

In a way, I was their mama and abah at the same time, I remember spending good time at night with my son to read him good story books, I took this opportunity to instill spiritual knowledge and practice in my son during those trying times. As he tells me about his sorrow, I listen and emphatize, I teach him to look at the reasons why abah has to go away, why abah made that decision. I will invite him to pray with me, teach him the verses from the Holy Quran, and teach him to seek Allah’s help to relieve his sadness and to reunite us in the near future.

All of a sudden, I had to be on the go all the time, juggling with my baby, son and work. From getting them ready in the morning, cooking, teaching, nurturing to playing football, I did everything on my own. But thankfully, I had the greatest support from my parents and siblings.

PARENTING – Does your child REALLY deserve that scolding she/he got?

It’s 7.00 in the evening, it’s raining cats and dogs outside, your colleagues are leaving the office one by one to hit for home or anywhere else better than work and you are stuck juggling reports which dateline is next week but all of a sudden, your boss decides he wants it tomorrow early in the morning and you have a family waiting at home. Your patience level is thinning, you feel like there’s a volcano that will erupt from within you. “Mommy”, you start hearing your children’s little voices. Fast forward the whole scene, you arrive home at 9.30, greeted by your lovely angles. As soon as you reach the door they jump on you and pull you down together with your reports, everything is scattered. You get so mad that you yell at them saying they’re just making your life miserable. Sounds familiar?

In today’s challenging world, many parents have unintentionally use harsh languages or gestures with their little ones as a result of life’s stress. When we yell, shout, scream or reprimand our children, they immediately cease whatever they’re doing that would have caused their parents to be angry but in cases such as depicted above, how will a child understand the wrong of getting exciting at seeing their mommy coming back home? This is a classic situation of parents’ projecting their anger towards their child when actually they are angry with someone else or something else. In the case above, the mother yelled at the children with hurtful words out of her anger towards her employer, unfortunately she could not say it out directly to her employer, thus it’s bottled up causing her emotions to be extremely fragile. The first powerless person who happens to touch that fragility will experience its effects, thus the children getting yelled at.

In all the situations where we have been angry and act harshly towards our children, have those acts been valid? Did our children do something wrong or bad to deserve being reprimanded? It is so much easier getting angry at children because they are not equal to adults in terms of power. They are not our match; hence we use that and make them scape goats. Things can get out of hands sometimes when parents don’t stop at what happened that instant but instead continues to nag about past events and hurting a child’s personality, saying things like “you are useless”, “always giving me problems”, “making my life difficult”. These statements can live scar on child’s emotions and they drag it with them like a baggage with a broken wheel. Just imagine what does a bag with a broken wheel can do your floorings? Taking this analogy into child’s life, think what that broken wheel will do to him/her? It will scratch and leave scars on their self esteem and confidence, and this in turn will results in a hose on other emotional related problems later on. Is this what we want for our children? The next time you feel a volcano erupting within you, take a walk or even better, shower! and analyze what is the actual cause of the anger. This can help you avoid hurting your little angels.

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