The phrase Sharing is Caring is so common these days that you may be trapped to feel not caring if you choose not to share. However are we really sharing for the sincerity of truly caring for someone or pressured by this phrase?
As parents, we want to teach our children good values. Have it ever occurred to you, that at times, we may be teaching them the wrong things, depriving them of their rights, limiting learning through self exploration or inhibiting traits that can be very important later in life?
How we teach the concept of sharing can be an example of how we unintentionally force children to do something right involuntarily and how it inhibits the concept of assertiveness in children. Most common, when another child approaches our child who is busy playing with a particular toy, we tell them stuff like "Share your toy, you've had enough time playing already." Our child obediently gives the toy away or with some struggle, we may say "You'll get to play next time, you must share!" When this takes place, children feel that they were not willing to stop playing yet and their fun were taken away, instantly, this negative feelings are associated with sharing. A couple of such scene will form a strong association that sharing isn't fun, you'd be left with a child who hates sharing but is doing it out of fear, out of having to conform.
Imagine we as adults going through this scenario. If you are using the computer at home, somebody comes over and tells you "I want to use the computer now." How will you feel? You will definitely want that person to wait for his turn, that is to wait for you to finish doing whatever you were doing on the computer, before he gets the turn to use it.
The same concept applies for children, they do expect others to respect their rights. Teach children the concept of turn-taking. Instead of us adults telling them "Ok, I will count to ten and then its time for you to give her the toy." teach them to say "Let me finish playing and I will give it to you." This way your child learns turn-taking not adult-directed but child-directed. Your child will associate sharing with a feeling of joyful. Because giving up the toy at a point when the child is happy builds association between sharing with joy and will want to repeat such behaviour for the joy they experienced. Hence sharing becomes voluntary. They also develop assertiveness, the ability to communicate their mind and needs. The concept of turn taking also teaches them to practice patience.
By approaching this from a different angle, we teach three important things that will be very useful for them as they grow; assertiveness, sharing and patience. Here's just a twist of how parenting can be done the fun way. Happy parenting!
Friday, December 26, 2014
Friday, April 18, 2014
Things You Can Do To Encourage Speech and Language Development
There are several activities parents can do with their children to encourage speech and language development. However, activities you do should be age appropriate in order to support and work hand-in-hand with their cognitive development. Below are activities that are useful to be practiced with your children:
Birth - 2 years
1. Encourage your child to make vowel like sounds such as "ma", "da", "pa" - you can do this by identifying yourself "mama" and "baba" or "daddy" referring to your spouse. This helps form the basic of speech.
2. Talk to your baby at every chance you get. While bathing, feeding, playing just about anything. Describe the things you are using and doing. Example: "Let's eat", "Baby is eating porridge", "Spoon", "I am taking you out for a drive", "We are going to the car".
3. Count things. For instance, as you bring you baby down the steps, count the steps.
4. Gather some household objects and say the name of those objects to your baby.
5. Teach them colors. Point at objects of a certain color and say the name of that color.
6. Acknowledge your baby's effort to communicate. Respond. Use facial expressions and different tone of voice.
7. Read aloud. Reading is one of the best ways for children to begin gathering vocabulary. Choose simple board books or those fabric/plastic books that can be read while in the tub. You can describe about what is happening on each page of the book and point to the objects or characters in the book.
2 - 4 years
1. Speak clearly to your child. Try avoiding baby talk.
2. Acknowledge what they are saying even if you find it hard to understand. Repeat the words "biscuits, you want biscuit?" Never brush them off saying you don't understand. This creates frustration and hinders their effort. If you are still unable to understand them after repeating and trying to figure out, get them to show you the things they want and say the name of that object clearly to them and it that is what they were referring to, get them to repeat the word.
3. A fun activity of making a scrapbook of items. Cut pictures of objects, put them in groups and get your child to paste in the scrapbook, write the names of those objects and teach the names to your child.
4. When you want to offer something, give your child choices. For example, "Do you want juice or water?" "Do you want to wear a dress or t-shirt with leggings?"
5. Encourage extension of speech by talking about things around you, objects and its usage, places and its purpose, description of places, food and its taste. Example, "Here is a ball. I kick and bounce the ball." "This is a supermarket, we buy things we need from the supermarket"
6. Talk about pictures from a book or from your own collection of photos. Choose a picture and talk about what is seen in the picture or you can even encourage them to create stories from the picture.
4 - 6 years
1. Give full attention to your child when she/he speaks. This is important to show them that you are interested in what they are saying and it helps develop confidence.
2. Show your appreciation and acknowledge every attempt your child makes to speak. Avoid saying "I don't know what you are saying"
3. Its now time to build up on vocabulary. Introduce new words as you speak and provide definition of the word, and make them repeat the word after you.
4. You may also begin teaching spatial concept to show direction, space, opposites.
5. Expand speech by having conversations with your child. Ask them about their day in the school. At times, some children do not respond to questions like "what did you learn today?" instead of this ask or say "tell me the coolest thing you did in school today". When your children watch their favorite tv show, get them to share what happened in that series with you. This not only builds vocabulary, but it strengthens memory as well. Alternatively, you can also ask them how would their version of the story be. This doubles up as creativity builder too!
6. Teach them process and giving direction. Explain step by step of the things you are doing. For example if you are making their favorite chocolate drink, invite them to join you. Describe each step and get them to repeat the steps after you are done. For example: No 1, you put some chocolate in the cup, No. 2 Add milk and so on.
7. Sit with them when they are playing or doing some crafts, get them to describe what they are doing to you.
There you have a list of things you can do with you children. Have a good time exploring the methods and have a jolly time with your little ones!
Birth - 2 years
1. Encourage your child to make vowel like sounds such as "ma", "da", "pa" - you can do this by identifying yourself "mama" and "baba" or "daddy" referring to your spouse. This helps form the basic of speech.
2. Talk to your baby at every chance you get. While bathing, feeding, playing just about anything. Describe the things you are using and doing. Example: "Let's eat", "Baby is eating porridge", "Spoon", "I am taking you out for a drive", "We are going to the car".
3. Count things. For instance, as you bring you baby down the steps, count the steps.
4. Gather some household objects and say the name of those objects to your baby.
5. Teach them colors. Point at objects of a certain color and say the name of that color.
6. Acknowledge your baby's effort to communicate. Respond. Use facial expressions and different tone of voice.
7. Read aloud. Reading is one of the best ways for children to begin gathering vocabulary. Choose simple board books or those fabric/plastic books that can be read while in the tub. You can describe about what is happening on each page of the book and point to the objects or characters in the book.
2 - 4 years
1. Speak clearly to your child. Try avoiding baby talk.
2. Acknowledge what they are saying even if you find it hard to understand. Repeat the words "biscuits, you want biscuit?" Never brush them off saying you don't understand. This creates frustration and hinders their effort. If you are still unable to understand them after repeating and trying to figure out, get them to show you the things they want and say the name of that object clearly to them and it that is what they were referring to, get them to repeat the word.
3. A fun activity of making a scrapbook of items. Cut pictures of objects, put them in groups and get your child to paste in the scrapbook, write the names of those objects and teach the names to your child.
4. When you want to offer something, give your child choices. For example, "Do you want juice or water?" "Do you want to wear a dress or t-shirt with leggings?"
5. Encourage extension of speech by talking about things around you, objects and its usage, places and its purpose, description of places, food and its taste. Example, "Here is a ball. I kick and bounce the ball." "This is a supermarket, we buy things we need from the supermarket"
6. Talk about pictures from a book or from your own collection of photos. Choose a picture and talk about what is seen in the picture or you can even encourage them to create stories from the picture.
4 - 6 years
1. Give full attention to your child when she/he speaks. This is important to show them that you are interested in what they are saying and it helps develop confidence.
2. Show your appreciation and acknowledge every attempt your child makes to speak. Avoid saying "I don't know what you are saying"
3. Its now time to build up on vocabulary. Introduce new words as you speak and provide definition of the word, and make them repeat the word after you.
4. You may also begin teaching spatial concept to show direction, space, opposites.
5. Expand speech by having conversations with your child. Ask them about their day in the school. At times, some children do not respond to questions like "what did you learn today?" instead of this ask or say "tell me the coolest thing you did in school today". When your children watch their favorite tv show, get them to share what happened in that series with you. This not only builds vocabulary, but it strengthens memory as well. Alternatively, you can also ask them how would their version of the story be. This doubles up as creativity builder too!
6. Teach them process and giving direction. Explain step by step of the things you are doing. For example if you are making their favorite chocolate drink, invite them to join you. Describe each step and get them to repeat the steps after you are done. For example: No 1, you put some chocolate in the cup, No. 2 Add milk and so on.
7. Sit with them when they are playing or doing some crafts, get them to describe what they are doing to you.
There you have a list of things you can do with you children. Have a good time exploring the methods and have a jolly time with your little ones!
Monday, April 14, 2014
Supporting Your Child's Creativity
My daughter's latest creation prompted me to write this and share with as many parents as I can. She came back from school one day and as usual her afternoons are usually busy with her own exploration of things around the house. This time, she started playing with play dough, all by herself while I was doing something, when I got to her, I saw that she had shaped the play dough into small balls and inserted birthday candles in each of the ball and told me that they were lollipops. She knew where I kept the birthday candles, so there wasn't a need to get my help. So you see, she has been working on this all by herself with no supervision at all. Then she came and sat beside me and was still busy looking and perfecting the lollipop shape. All of a sudden, she asked "mama, do you have diamonds like the ones on your skirt?" (I was wearing a skirt that was decorated with sequins) and I asked "what do you need them for?" She said it was for decorating her lollipops to make it look nicer. I got up, walked to the store room, got my tailoring basket and hand her a box of sequin and glitter beads. Off she went and sat by a corner in the living room, perfecting her creation of the lollipop.
So how can you develop creativity? How do you see your child creating art pieces, new games, new ways of doing things, new ways of playing with one toy?
Believe me, children are born with a powerful imagination that allows them to be creative, what we need to do is to provide encouragement and space. Common mommies and daddies, we definitely can make a difference in our children's development, let's take that step!
1. Provide space
Create a space that is solely for your child to get messy and create. Often times, the problems of not wanting to have a mess causes parents to hinder a child's need to explore and create. So how do you solve this? Dedicate a small space just for your child. This space does not have to be an elaborate playroom equipped with so many toys and beautifully decorated. You do not need to burn a whole in your pocket to create this space. It can be a small corner in your house with a small table and a shelf nearby. Or it can be a small corner, covered with a carpet. Tell your child that this corner is for her/him and that whatever mess is to be limited there.
2. Make it convenient
Next is to have things they need within reach. Having a shelf and storing art supplies, play dough, and some toys helps them to get creative whenever they feel like it or whenever ideas struck without having to wait for parents to help them get supplies.
3. Free play
Encourage lots of "free play time". It is very important that you allow them some unstructured time in which they can do just anything they want. Free play provides the much needed exploration which is crucial is developing creativity. Through free play, your child has the chance to try out how things work, how some objects can have many functions and how things around them can be used as toys, or for creating some art pieces. Free play also plays a role in developing critical thinking and problem solving, which are very important skills you want your child to have as they grow.
4. Exposure to different experiences
Another way to encourage creativity is giving your child different experiences. How can you achieve this without having to spend so much? The easiest way is by reading, stock up on good books about the world, about different places, about animals in different parts of the world, about cultures and celebrations of different people. Visit the library to find interesting stuff to read and then share the story together, think how some plots could have been different. Ask your child what would she/he do if she/he was the lead character in that book. Visit places which will not cause you much, places that provide opportunities to observe and explore.
5. Avoid managing
And finally, hold that urge to manage, do things for them or wanting them to do things your way. For creativity to grow, they must explore and do stuff freely. Don't force them to colour the grass green! Even if they choose to color the grass purple, in reality they know that the grass is green! This is their way of living their imagination. Let them be!
Let your child be free, provides lots of encouragement and see how they grow!
So how can you develop creativity? How do you see your child creating art pieces, new games, new ways of doing things, new ways of playing with one toy?
Believe me, children are born with a powerful imagination that allows them to be creative, what we need to do is to provide encouragement and space. Common mommies and daddies, we definitely can make a difference in our children's development, let's take that step!
1. Provide space
Create a space that is solely for your child to get messy and create. Often times, the problems of not wanting to have a mess causes parents to hinder a child's need to explore and create. So how do you solve this? Dedicate a small space just for your child. This space does not have to be an elaborate playroom equipped with so many toys and beautifully decorated. You do not need to burn a whole in your pocket to create this space. It can be a small corner in your house with a small table and a shelf nearby. Or it can be a small corner, covered with a carpet. Tell your child that this corner is for her/him and that whatever mess is to be limited there.
2. Make it convenient
Next is to have things they need within reach. Having a shelf and storing art supplies, play dough, and some toys helps them to get creative whenever they feel like it or whenever ideas struck without having to wait for parents to help them get supplies.
3. Free play
Encourage lots of "free play time". It is very important that you allow them some unstructured time in which they can do just anything they want. Free play provides the much needed exploration which is crucial is developing creativity. Through free play, your child has the chance to try out how things work, how some objects can have many functions and how things around them can be used as toys, or for creating some art pieces. Free play also plays a role in developing critical thinking and problem solving, which are very important skills you want your child to have as they grow.
4. Exposure to different experiences
Another way to encourage creativity is giving your child different experiences. How can you achieve this without having to spend so much? The easiest way is by reading, stock up on good books about the world, about different places, about animals in different parts of the world, about cultures and celebrations of different people. Visit the library to find interesting stuff to read and then share the story together, think how some plots could have been different. Ask your child what would she/he do if she/he was the lead character in that book. Visit places which will not cause you much, places that provide opportunities to observe and explore.
5. Avoid managing
And finally, hold that urge to manage, do things for them or wanting them to do things your way. For creativity to grow, they must explore and do stuff freely. Don't force them to colour the grass green! Even if they choose to color the grass purple, in reality they know that the grass is green! This is their way of living their imagination. Let them be!
Let your child be free, provides lots of encouragement and see how they grow!
Monday, April 7, 2014
Crying: Sad or Attention Seeking. What do I Do?
As babies, crying is the only way to communicate babies' needs, be it a wet diaper, pain, wind or hungry. But as the baby grows into toddlerhood and is able to speak even one word or two word sentence, the child now has another way of informing us parents of her/his needs. Given this, most parents should find it easier to understand and provide for the child. However for some toddler and parents, things don't get any easier but the cries get intensified! Their toddler cries and screams almost all the time!
As parents, you must be able to differentiate if your child is upset/sad over something or your child is actually seeking attention? Cries due to parting with family, friends, lost of something that is the toddler's favorite, a soft toy that she/he always play with for instance can be grouped as sad/upset. In this situations, you should acknowledge the emotion your child is experiencing and pacify her/him.
However, often times, we see toddlers who cry, scream and roll on the floor for some reason. This situation can be a nightmare for parents. Just what makes some toddlers throw such tantrum while some others can ask for something and yet not scream and roll on the floor if her/his wants are not met? The answer to this is how parents respond to the toddler in moments like this. In many cases, parents quickly give in and provide the toddler with whatever the toddler wants. Let's examine a few situations.
Situation A
Your toddler is playing with some cousins and likes a toy another cousin is playing with. Your toddler snatches it away and off course the other child would pull it back, and your toddler is suddenly on the floor, kicking in the air, rolling and screaming and crying. You come over to check, you panic with the screams and cry and could only think of the easiest way out - give the toy to your child. So you nicely tell the other toddler to share his/her toy with your toddler, taking the toy away from that child and giving it to your toddler.
Situation B
You are at the supermarket, grocery shopping. You pass by the toy section and your toddler wants to go see the toys. You turn into the toy section. From just seeing, now your toddler wants to buy a toy but you have no plans to buy toys on that day and said "no", and it starts all over again. You feel embarrassed, you think other shoppers are looking and making remarks about you, so you instantly grab the toy, give it to your child and walk away from the toy section. Your child is now quiet, happy that her/his wants have been met.
The two situations above are observed very often. If you analyse the situation, you will see that what happened is a chain of events that begins with an antecedent, followed by a certain behaviour and eventually brings a consequence. The child's cry becomes an antecedent for you which makes you give in to her/his demands which represents the behaviour and this satisfies the child, makes her/him stop crying. As this happens many times, you give in and your child gets quiet, you will continue to give in because it instantly stops the cries. However without realising, you have indirectly conditioned your child to throw tantrums whenever she/he wants something, because she/he now knows that by doing so, she/he will get whatever she/he wants. This now becomes a vicious cycle which will continue until you choose to do something to break that cycle.
Usually whenever you are faced with such situations, it is best not to entertain to their demands the first time itself. However if you are already in that cycle, you need to break from it. When faced with such situations, the best way to deal with it is to pick your child up and explain. Yes explain why she/he cannot have it her/his way. You can pick up and say "I know you want that but you cannot have anything if you continue screaming like this." Slowly walk around to give sometime to the child to cool down and then sit and explain why you cannot fulfill her/his demands. If we look at situation A above, you need to pick up the child and tell her/him "You cannot have it if you cry and scream like this, you need to stop and we will talk about this." Then once she/he is calm, explain "When you play, you must share, you need to take turns and you cannot snatched toys from others." Then bring your child back to the group, with you seated together, observe how they play and teach your child to ask for a toy, you need to show it for your child to model it.
A child who always throws tantrums do so, because they think it is acceptable and the right thing to do, it is us parents who need to stop the tantrums and show them the best acceptable way to behave.
As parents, you must be able to differentiate if your child is upset/sad over something or your child is actually seeking attention? Cries due to parting with family, friends, lost of something that is the toddler's favorite, a soft toy that she/he always play with for instance can be grouped as sad/upset. In this situations, you should acknowledge the emotion your child is experiencing and pacify her/him.
However, often times, we see toddlers who cry, scream and roll on the floor for some reason. This situation can be a nightmare for parents. Just what makes some toddlers throw such tantrum while some others can ask for something and yet not scream and roll on the floor if her/his wants are not met? The answer to this is how parents respond to the toddler in moments like this. In many cases, parents quickly give in and provide the toddler with whatever the toddler wants. Let's examine a few situations.
Situation A
Your toddler is playing with some cousins and likes a toy another cousin is playing with. Your toddler snatches it away and off course the other child would pull it back, and your toddler is suddenly on the floor, kicking in the air, rolling and screaming and crying. You come over to check, you panic with the screams and cry and could only think of the easiest way out - give the toy to your child. So you nicely tell the other toddler to share his/her toy with your toddler, taking the toy away from that child and giving it to your toddler.
Situation B
You are at the supermarket, grocery shopping. You pass by the toy section and your toddler wants to go see the toys. You turn into the toy section. From just seeing, now your toddler wants to buy a toy but you have no plans to buy toys on that day and said "no", and it starts all over again. You feel embarrassed, you think other shoppers are looking and making remarks about you, so you instantly grab the toy, give it to your child and walk away from the toy section. Your child is now quiet, happy that her/his wants have been met.
The two situations above are observed very often. If you analyse the situation, you will see that what happened is a chain of events that begins with an antecedent, followed by a certain behaviour and eventually brings a consequence. The child's cry becomes an antecedent for you which makes you give in to her/his demands which represents the behaviour and this satisfies the child, makes her/him stop crying. As this happens many times, you give in and your child gets quiet, you will continue to give in because it instantly stops the cries. However without realising, you have indirectly conditioned your child to throw tantrums whenever she/he wants something, because she/he now knows that by doing so, she/he will get whatever she/he wants. This now becomes a vicious cycle which will continue until you choose to do something to break that cycle.
Usually whenever you are faced with such situations, it is best not to entertain to their demands the first time itself. However if you are already in that cycle, you need to break from it. When faced with such situations, the best way to deal with it is to pick your child up and explain. Yes explain why she/he cannot have it her/his way. You can pick up and say "I know you want that but you cannot have anything if you continue screaming like this." Slowly walk around to give sometime to the child to cool down and then sit and explain why you cannot fulfill her/his demands. If we look at situation A above, you need to pick up the child and tell her/him "You cannot have it if you cry and scream like this, you need to stop and we will talk about this." Then once she/he is calm, explain "When you play, you must share, you need to take turns and you cannot snatched toys from others." Then bring your child back to the group, with you seated together, observe how they play and teach your child to ask for a toy, you need to show it for your child to model it.
A child who always throws tantrums do so, because they think it is acceptable and the right thing to do, it is us parents who need to stop the tantrums and show them the best acceptable way to behave.
Sunday, March 2, 2014
BENEFITS OF STORY TELLING
As parents, we are always eager to train our children to be good readers. We love to see them read more. But have we ever thought about the benefits of story telling to our children?
Children naturally love listening to stories. They view stories as magical, as stories usually allow them to explore with their imagination. Story telling teaches many things about life, culture, other living things, people from different places and their culture. Benefits of story telling sessions include:
- promote feeling of well-being and relaxation
- increase verbal proficiency and vocabulary mastery
- encourage active participation through interaction during sessions
- encourage children to communicate their thoughts and feelings
- increase creativity and imagination
- strengthens listening skills
- improves attention and focus
- create awareness of different cultures, different people from other places
- provides knowledge on things around us through fun engaging approach
- teaches children about empathy through understanding of different life experiences
- increase confidence when encourage to speak and give ideas
- increase memory skills, able to recall information from the stories accurately through interaction within the story telling group
So parents, story telling is another activity you definitely want to provide to your children!
Sharmini Abd Karim
Clinical Psychologist
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
My Hopes and Wishes for the Two Angels in My Life
Its the beginning of the new year 2014, my dearest Daanish moves on to another level in the schooling year, now in primary 3. He has passed all those anxieties of starting school many children experience, his journey now is more towards enriching life experience as a student, as a son and as a vicegerent of ALLAH and as the unique individual he is. Maya Sari, my ever sweet little girl begins her schooling journey this year. Alhamdulillah, the eight months reading classes she attended last year has prepared her emotionally and mentally with regards to starting school, no separation anxiety was displayed. She too shall continue her journey as as a student, as a daughter and as a vicegerent of ALLAH and as the unique individual she is
With the beginning of a new year, I have hopes and wishes for my children. To Daanish and Maya Sari, I pray that the two of you will always be protected from any harm, evil, bad intentions and bad company. I hope that your childhood be filled with joy, laughter and all wonderful things. I wish that you both grow to become happy individuals with strong positive characters who are determined, don't easily give up, who knows what you want in life and fights for it and not ever let others tell you that you can't.
Daanish and Maya Sari, I pray that the love and bond you both share will grow stronger by the day and will remain intact and strong till the very last breath, for it is this bond that will keep you together through all life challenges, it is this bond that will keep you helping one another, it is this bond that will keep you looking out for each other. The love you have for each other will keep you strong in difficult times. This love will make you realise that there is always someone who loves you, believes in you and will help you rise when everyone else think you can't.
Daanish and Maya Sari, I hope and wish that you will always love seeking knowledge. I hope you will continue to wonder about the things around you and explore why they work they way they do, why things happen the way they do. For with knowledge, you will become wholesome individuals who will be able to make good decisions without being influenced by others or that are only emotionally driven. I hope you will enjoy and have wonderful learning and exploring moments. Learning is life long, I hope the joy you both experience through reading and learning continues forever, for when you stop learning, you will cripple your mind.
Daanish and Maya Sari, I pray and will continue to pray that you both will grow to become wonderful, intelligent muslims. Always remember our great hero, Rasulullah SAW and the Quran. So long that you keep your path straight and follow the guidance in the Quran, Allah will bestow upon you good life here in Dunya and ultimately the place we all want to be - THE HEAVEN. Like how Maya always wish for the Heaven to have lots of rainbow and chocolates and like how Daanish always hope for more toys in the Heaven.
Daanish and Maya Sari, I pray that you both will love this little baby just like how you love each other now. I hope with our little adik, the bond between the three of you will be greater and stronger. I wish that the three of you will share lots of joy, laughter and wonderful moments.
Daanish, I hope you will become better at controlling your attention during class time. I hope you continue to be that person in your class who helps others with their English, just like you teacher mentioned "English dia memang power, semua kawan-kawan dia tolong ajar." I wish that you continue to have the empathy you always have for others, which will guide you in helping others. I hope for you to grow into a fine person. I hope to see you achieve your dreams as an artist. And always remember what I said "You can be anything you want and achieve anything, just believe in yourself and do it" like Max the boy in Real Steel.
Maya Sari, I hope you will grow to be a mighty girl who is able to protect herself. I know you are a strong person, I hope you will always continue to be that strong person, always determined and chase your dreams. As you grow I hope you will learn about the things that make girls beautiful and liberated (he he....not by wearing bikinis ;)
I love you both always :)
Love,
Mama.
(Sharmini Abd Karim)
Clinical Psychologist
BLOOMPSYC CONSULTANCY
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Sunday, November 24, 2013
Kamu Dengar? Agaknya dia dengar atau tidak...... Bagaimana Anda Boleh Bercakap Dengan Anak Agar Mereka Mendengar dan Memberi Kerjasama
"Ali, kemaskan bilik kamu, simpan semua mainan, lepas tu makan!" jerit ibu Ali dari dapur. Setengah jam kemudian, ibu keluar dari dapur dan dapati Ali masih tercegat di depan TV. "Dah kemas bilik tak?" jeritnya lagi. Di saat ini, Ali mengheret kakinya menuju bilik, ini menyebabkan ibu bertambah marah lalu mula berleter "Kamu ni kan......blah.....blah....blah...." Ibu berleter hampir lima belas minit.
Situasi seperti di atas ini menunjukkan keadaan yang biasanya terjadi dalam kebanyakkan keluarga, di mana ibubapa tidak mampu berkomunikasi secara berkesan dengan anak-anak. Komunikasi yang tidak berkesan mendatangkan pelbagai kesan negatif seperti perasaan-perasaan negatif, mewujudkan sifat saling tidak menghormati dan juga mengakibatkan kekecohan yang sebenarnya boleh dielakkan. Terdapat beberapa cara bagaimana anda boleh berkomunikasi dengan anak-anak untuk mendapat perhatian mereka agar mendengar serta memberi respon yang sepatutnya. Berikut adalah beberapa langkah yang boleh anda gunakan.
1. Kontak mata
Pastikan anda mendapat perhatian anak dengan melihat tepat ke dalam matanya. Jika perlu, anda boleh berlutut, pastikan mata anda sama paras dengan mata anak sebelum anda memulakan perbualan mahupun memberi arahan.
2. Ringkas
Gunakan ayat yang singkat dan ringkas. Terus kepada apa yang anda ingin anak lakukan. Gunakan satu ayat pada satu waktu. Terlalu banyak bercakap akan menyebabkan anak hilang perhatian. Apabila anak kelihatan tidak berminat, ini bermakna dia sudah tidak memberi perhatian, tidak mendengar dan tidak memahami apa yang anda katakan. Anak anda hanya memekakkan telinga. Contoh yang baik: "Ali, tolong simpan mainan." Jangan sesekali mengatakan "Ali, simpan semua mainan, mainan kamu ni semua menyerakkan rumah. Kamu suka tengok rumah macam ni?" Ayat kedua ini haruslah dielakkan sama sekali, kerana anak-anak memang gemar meletakkan mainan di mana-mana sahaja bagi memudahkan mereka bermain, maka jangan diajukan soalan sebegitu, kerana ia mengundang jawapan yang anda sendiri tidak mahu dengar!
3. Ulang permintaan anda
Cara terbaik untuk memastikan anak memahami permintaan anda adalah dengan memintanya mengulang permintaan yang telah anda nyatakan kepadanya. Contoh: "Apa yang kamu perlu buat Ali?" Dengan cara ini, anda lebih pasti bahawa anak anda tahu apa yang perlu dilakukan.
4. Gunakan pendekatan perlakuan - kesan
Kita tahu setiap perlakuan pastinya mendatangkan suatu kesan. Maka gunakan konsep ini sebaiknya. Minta anak anda lakukan apa yang anda ingin dia lakukan sebelum dia peroleh apa yang dia inginkan. Anda buat, anda dapat. Contohnya, anda boleh katakan "Simpan mainan kamu kemudian kamu boleh tengok cerita kartun kegemaran kamu." Pendekatan ini secara tidak langsung memaklumkan kepada anak bahawa anda mementingkan pematuhan, bahawa anak perlu patuh pada permintaan atau arahan sebelum mendapat apa yang diingininya. Walaubagaimanapun, hati-hati dalam menggunakkan pendekatan ini, elakkan ayat yang bermula dengan "Jika....." kerana ia umpama memberi pilihan untuk buat atau tidak.
5. Bercakaplah dengan hormat.
Apabila anda mengemukakan permintaan, mulakan dengan "Tolong....." dan jangan lupa untuk mengatakan "terima kasih...." setelah anak menyiapkan apa yang anda minta mereka lakukan. Kesantunan adalah suatu ciri-ciri yang mula terbentuk sejak awal lagi dan sekiranya anda ingin memupuk nilai ini dalam diri anak anda, anda perlu memulakannya terlebih dahulu. Anda perlulah menjadi apa yang anda ingin anak anda jadi. Kanak-kanak belajar dengan paling berkesan melalui konsep model, maka jadilah model yang terbaik untuk anda.
6. Bercakaplah mengikut peringkat perkembangan anak
Ini memerlukan anda mempunyai sedikit pemahaman tentang peringkat perkembangan anak anda. Walaubagaimanapun, satu panduan mudah yang boleh anda ikuti ialah, lebih kecil anak anda, lebih ringkas ayat yang harus anda gunakan.
7. Elakkan mengugut
Elak sebarang ugutan apabila bercakap dengan anak. Contoh: "Jika kamu tak kemas, ibu buang semua mainan kamu ni." Ugutan selalunya boleh memakan diri. Mengapa? Kerana anak-anak akan melihat sama ada anda benar-benar melakukan apa yang telah dikatakan. Jadi, apabila anda meluahkan ayat seperti di atas ini, adakah anda benar benar bersedia untuk membuang kesemua mainan anak dan membeli pula yang baru bila anak perlu bermain? Apabila anak lihat anda tidak pun melakukan apa yang telah anda katakan, anak akan kurang mempercayai anda. Anda akan sukar untuk dapatkan kerjasama daripada anak di masa depan kerana mereka sudah tidak mempercayai anda.
8. Beri makluman yang awal
Tip ini sangat berguna terutamanya apabila anda perlu meninggalkan taman permainan, taman, kolam renang atau mana-mana tempat di mana anak sedang seronok bermain atau beraktiviti. Berikan notis yang awal bahawa anda akan meninggalkan tempat tersebut tidak lama lagi. Contoh: "Ali, kita akan pulang dalam masa sepuluh minit lagi." Ini memberi peluang kepada anak bersedia untuk berhenti melakukan aktiviti tersebut dan tidak perlu berhenti secara mengejut yang selalunya mengakibatkan anak marah.
Jika anda amalkan tip-tip di atas dan menjadikan satu amalan di rumah, ianya akan membuat anak-anak mahu mendengar dan memberi kerjasama. Dengan apa jua cara dan kaedah, apa yang penting adalah anda mengamalnya secara berterusan di dalam semua situasi sehingga amalan ini menjadi sebahagian tabiat, dan dengan semulajadi anda akan bercakap dengan anak-anak menggunakan kaedah yang mampu membuat anak-anak mendengar dan memberi kerjasama. Ini seterusnya akan membentuk anak-anak menjadi individu yang berdisiplin. Selamat berkomunikasi dengan anak-anak anda!
Situasi seperti di atas ini menunjukkan keadaan yang biasanya terjadi dalam kebanyakkan keluarga, di mana ibubapa tidak mampu berkomunikasi secara berkesan dengan anak-anak. Komunikasi yang tidak berkesan mendatangkan pelbagai kesan negatif seperti perasaan-perasaan negatif, mewujudkan sifat saling tidak menghormati dan juga mengakibatkan kekecohan yang sebenarnya boleh dielakkan. Terdapat beberapa cara bagaimana anda boleh berkomunikasi dengan anak-anak untuk mendapat perhatian mereka agar mendengar serta memberi respon yang sepatutnya. Berikut adalah beberapa langkah yang boleh anda gunakan.
1. Kontak mata
Pastikan anda mendapat perhatian anak dengan melihat tepat ke dalam matanya. Jika perlu, anda boleh berlutut, pastikan mata anda sama paras dengan mata anak sebelum anda memulakan perbualan mahupun memberi arahan.
2. Ringkas
Gunakan ayat yang singkat dan ringkas. Terus kepada apa yang anda ingin anak lakukan. Gunakan satu ayat pada satu waktu. Terlalu banyak bercakap akan menyebabkan anak hilang perhatian. Apabila anak kelihatan tidak berminat, ini bermakna dia sudah tidak memberi perhatian, tidak mendengar dan tidak memahami apa yang anda katakan. Anak anda hanya memekakkan telinga. Contoh yang baik: "Ali, tolong simpan mainan." Jangan sesekali mengatakan "Ali, simpan semua mainan, mainan kamu ni semua menyerakkan rumah. Kamu suka tengok rumah macam ni?" Ayat kedua ini haruslah dielakkan sama sekali, kerana anak-anak memang gemar meletakkan mainan di mana-mana sahaja bagi memudahkan mereka bermain, maka jangan diajukan soalan sebegitu, kerana ia mengundang jawapan yang anda sendiri tidak mahu dengar!
3. Ulang permintaan anda
Cara terbaik untuk memastikan anak memahami permintaan anda adalah dengan memintanya mengulang permintaan yang telah anda nyatakan kepadanya. Contoh: "Apa yang kamu perlu buat Ali?" Dengan cara ini, anda lebih pasti bahawa anak anda tahu apa yang perlu dilakukan.
4. Gunakan pendekatan perlakuan - kesan
Kita tahu setiap perlakuan pastinya mendatangkan suatu kesan. Maka gunakan konsep ini sebaiknya. Minta anak anda lakukan apa yang anda ingin dia lakukan sebelum dia peroleh apa yang dia inginkan. Anda buat, anda dapat. Contohnya, anda boleh katakan "Simpan mainan kamu kemudian kamu boleh tengok cerita kartun kegemaran kamu." Pendekatan ini secara tidak langsung memaklumkan kepada anak bahawa anda mementingkan pematuhan, bahawa anak perlu patuh pada permintaan atau arahan sebelum mendapat apa yang diingininya. Walaubagaimanapun, hati-hati dalam menggunakkan pendekatan ini, elakkan ayat yang bermula dengan "Jika....." kerana ia umpama memberi pilihan untuk buat atau tidak.
5. Bercakaplah dengan hormat.
Apabila anda mengemukakan permintaan, mulakan dengan "Tolong....." dan jangan lupa untuk mengatakan "terima kasih...." setelah anak menyiapkan apa yang anda minta mereka lakukan. Kesantunan adalah suatu ciri-ciri yang mula terbentuk sejak awal lagi dan sekiranya anda ingin memupuk nilai ini dalam diri anak anda, anda perlu memulakannya terlebih dahulu. Anda perlulah menjadi apa yang anda ingin anak anda jadi. Kanak-kanak belajar dengan paling berkesan melalui konsep model, maka jadilah model yang terbaik untuk anda.
6. Bercakaplah mengikut peringkat perkembangan anak
Ini memerlukan anda mempunyai sedikit pemahaman tentang peringkat perkembangan anak anda. Walaubagaimanapun, satu panduan mudah yang boleh anda ikuti ialah, lebih kecil anak anda, lebih ringkas ayat yang harus anda gunakan.
7. Elakkan mengugut
Elak sebarang ugutan apabila bercakap dengan anak. Contoh: "Jika kamu tak kemas, ibu buang semua mainan kamu ni." Ugutan selalunya boleh memakan diri. Mengapa? Kerana anak-anak akan melihat sama ada anda benar-benar melakukan apa yang telah dikatakan. Jadi, apabila anda meluahkan ayat seperti di atas ini, adakah anda benar benar bersedia untuk membuang kesemua mainan anak dan membeli pula yang baru bila anak perlu bermain? Apabila anak lihat anda tidak pun melakukan apa yang telah anda katakan, anak akan kurang mempercayai anda. Anda akan sukar untuk dapatkan kerjasama daripada anak di masa depan kerana mereka sudah tidak mempercayai anda.
8. Beri makluman yang awal
Tip ini sangat berguna terutamanya apabila anda perlu meninggalkan taman permainan, taman, kolam renang atau mana-mana tempat di mana anak sedang seronok bermain atau beraktiviti. Berikan notis yang awal bahawa anda akan meninggalkan tempat tersebut tidak lama lagi. Contoh: "Ali, kita akan pulang dalam masa sepuluh minit lagi." Ini memberi peluang kepada anak bersedia untuk berhenti melakukan aktiviti tersebut dan tidak perlu berhenti secara mengejut yang selalunya mengakibatkan anak marah.
Jika anda amalkan tip-tip di atas dan menjadikan satu amalan di rumah, ianya akan membuat anak-anak mahu mendengar dan memberi kerjasama. Dengan apa jua cara dan kaedah, apa yang penting adalah anda mengamalnya secara berterusan di dalam semua situasi sehingga amalan ini menjadi sebahagian tabiat, dan dengan semulajadi anda akan bercakap dengan anak-anak menggunakan kaedah yang mampu membuat anak-anak mendengar dan memberi kerjasama. Ini seterusnya akan membentuk anak-anak menjadi individu yang berdisiplin. Selamat berkomunikasi dengan anak-anak anda!
Saturday, November 23, 2013
Are you Listening? You Wonder......How to talk to get your child to cooperate.
"Ali, clean your room, put your toys away then come eat!" yells Ali's mom while she's in the kitchen. Half an hour later, mom comes out from the kitchen and finds Ali in front of the TV. "Have you clean your room?" she yells again. At this juncture, Ali drags his feet to his room, making his mom further angry, and then she starts nagging "You......blah.....blah....blah....." for almost fifteen minutes.
This depicts a situation in so many households where parents are not able to communicate effectively with their children. A bad communication at home leads to many unwanted feelings, breeds disrespect and causes unnecessary commotion. There are ways how you can communicate with your children to get them to listen and respond accordingly. Here are several important points you may want to consider:
1. Eye contact
Always get your child's attention by looking at him in his eyes. Kneel down if you need, bring your eye to his eye level before you begin talking.
2. Keep it simple
Use direct sentence that is short, simple. Go straight to what you want your child to do. Use one sentence at a time. Too much babbling only drifts their attention away. When you see your child giving you a disinterested look, he is no longer listening or understanding you. He's given you a deaf ear. Example : "Ali, please put your toys away." Do not say "Ali, put your toys away, they make the whole house messy. Just look at that, is that how you like your house to be?" This second sentence is a BIG no no. A child will definitely love to conveniently have their toys laying around just anywhere, so you do not want to get that as an answer from them!
3. Repeat your request
The best way to know your child has understood your request is to make him repeat your request. Example : "What do you need to do Ali?" This way, you know for sure that he listened and knows what he needs to do.
4. Use the behaviour - consequence approach
Get your child to do what he needs to before he gets what he wants. You do this, you get this. "Put your toys away and then you can watch your favorite cartoon." This informs the child that you expect obedience, that the child needs to obey before he gets what he wishes for. Be cautious however, not to begin your sentence with "If...." when you use this approach. "If....." implies a choice, as if you are telling your child that he has a choice to do or not to do.
5. Speak with respect
When making requests, always start with "Please....." and don't forget to say "Thank you....." when your child completes what you have asked him to do. Social manners begin at a very young age and if you want to instill this is your child, you will need to start practicing them yourself. You need to be what you want your child to be. Children learn the most through modeling, so you better show them good manners.
6. Speak according to your child's developmental stage
This requires some understanding of your chid's developmental stage. However, an easy rule to follow is the younger they are, the simpler you speak.
7. Avoid threats
Avoid using threats when speaking with your child. Example "If you don't clean up, I will throw all your toys." Threats can always backfire, why? Because children actually see if you keep to your words. So when you say something like the above sentence, are you REALLY prepared to throw their toys and then buy new ones when they need? When your child sees that you didn't really do want you threatened to do, they will trust you less. And you will find it difficult to get them to cooperate in the future because they simply know you will not do what you say, so at the end of the day, they get it their way!
8. Inform in advance
This tip is especially helpful when you need to leave the park, the playground, the swimming pool or any place where your child is having fun or engage in something. Give them an advance notice that you are about to leave. Example: "Ali, we're leaving in ten minutes." This gives the child a time to prepare himself to part with what he is doing and he does not need to stop abruptly.
If you follow the above tips and make it a practice in your household, you will notice that your children will listen and cooperate. With any method or rule, it is important that you follow through and maintain it in every situation so that it becomes habitual, therefore you will naturally speak in ways that your child will listen and respond accordingly, which in turn shapes your child into a disciplined individual. All the best in communicating with your angels!
This depicts a situation in so many households where parents are not able to communicate effectively with their children. A bad communication at home leads to many unwanted feelings, breeds disrespect and causes unnecessary commotion. There are ways how you can communicate with your children to get them to listen and respond accordingly. Here are several important points you may want to consider:
1. Eye contact
Always get your child's attention by looking at him in his eyes. Kneel down if you need, bring your eye to his eye level before you begin talking.
2. Keep it simple
Use direct sentence that is short, simple. Go straight to what you want your child to do. Use one sentence at a time. Too much babbling only drifts their attention away. When you see your child giving you a disinterested look, he is no longer listening or understanding you. He's given you a deaf ear. Example : "Ali, please put your toys away." Do not say "Ali, put your toys away, they make the whole house messy. Just look at that, is that how you like your house to be?" This second sentence is a BIG no no. A child will definitely love to conveniently have their toys laying around just anywhere, so you do not want to get that as an answer from them!
3. Repeat your request
The best way to know your child has understood your request is to make him repeat your request. Example : "What do you need to do Ali?" This way, you know for sure that he listened and knows what he needs to do.
4. Use the behaviour - consequence approach
Get your child to do what he needs to before he gets what he wants. You do this, you get this. "Put your toys away and then you can watch your favorite cartoon." This informs the child that you expect obedience, that the child needs to obey before he gets what he wishes for. Be cautious however, not to begin your sentence with "If...." when you use this approach. "If....." implies a choice, as if you are telling your child that he has a choice to do or not to do.
5. Speak with respect
When making requests, always start with "Please....." and don't forget to say "Thank you....." when your child completes what you have asked him to do. Social manners begin at a very young age and if you want to instill this is your child, you will need to start practicing them yourself. You need to be what you want your child to be. Children learn the most through modeling, so you better show them good manners.
6. Speak according to your child's developmental stage
This requires some understanding of your chid's developmental stage. However, an easy rule to follow is the younger they are, the simpler you speak.
7. Avoid threats
Avoid using threats when speaking with your child. Example "If you don't clean up, I will throw all your toys." Threats can always backfire, why? Because children actually see if you keep to your words. So when you say something like the above sentence, are you REALLY prepared to throw their toys and then buy new ones when they need? When your child sees that you didn't really do want you threatened to do, they will trust you less. And you will find it difficult to get them to cooperate in the future because they simply know you will not do what you say, so at the end of the day, they get it their way!
8. Inform in advance
This tip is especially helpful when you need to leave the park, the playground, the swimming pool or any place where your child is having fun or engage in something. Give them an advance notice that you are about to leave. Example: "Ali, we're leaving in ten minutes." This gives the child a time to prepare himself to part with what he is doing and he does not need to stop abruptly.
If you follow the above tips and make it a practice in your household, you will notice that your children will listen and cooperate. With any method or rule, it is important that you follow through and maintain it in every situation so that it becomes habitual, therefore you will naturally speak in ways that your child will listen and respond accordingly, which in turn shapes your child into a disciplined individual. All the best in communicating with your angels!
Thursday, November 14, 2013
KEEPING THE PRESSURE AWAY AND STAYING EMOTIONALLY POSITIVE IN YOUR PARENTING JOURNEY
Being a parent is no simple job. The endless demands parents are faced with, in fulfilling the needs of our children can be very draining physically and mentally, the last thing any parent need is to emotionally suffer in their parenting journey; a journey we are all suppose to enjoy and embrace.
In the parenting talks I conduct, I always remind parents about the effects of PARENTAL PEER PRESSURE. You must be wondering what is this parental peer pressure. We used to hear children and teenagers having difficulty with peer pressure, but what has this peer pressure got to do with parents?
"Adam scored 5As", "Yeay! My darling daughter just completed her 6th stage in her reading programme and she's only 4 years old", "Ani's latest gadget (a caption for a picture)". Isn't these familiar? Parents are constantly bombarded with such statement from relatives and friends. These days, it gets worse, because you no longer wait for the family reunion or reunion with friends to experience this dreadful comparisons between their children and your children, thanks to technology, you get updates every second, even those you wish you didn't see or read!
So just how do you ensure that you stay strong and positive about your own children despite the constant updates? The most important thing to remember is that every child is unique. Every child has his own strengths and weaknesses. It is our knowledge of our children's strengths and weaknesses that will guide us through those times when you sometimes go "wow" at others' children and start wondering whether your children are fine or otherwise. Whenever you read or observe something that effects you, makes you feel down, quickly recall the wonderful things your children have mastered and achieve. Each of our children has their own unique abilities and interests, if only we take time to see and appreciate their uniqueness, we surely can spare ourselves from feeling disturbed by the achievement of others. We need to learn to embrace and celebrate each child's uniqueness and abilities.
There is this concept of multiple intelligence which I will write about soon to help parents understand that not every child is strong academically. Some may strengths in the creative field. Some may have strengths in the technical field and so many more. Our ability to accept this fact will also help us in feeling good about our children. What ever strengths our children have, they can succeed when we ourselves have successfully acknowledge those strengths and give them a chance to grow and bloom with those strengths. I pray and hope that all parents out there stay focused on your children's strengths. So go out and embrace your children's uniqueness!
In the parenting talks I conduct, I always remind parents about the effects of PARENTAL PEER PRESSURE. You must be wondering what is this parental peer pressure. We used to hear children and teenagers having difficulty with peer pressure, but what has this peer pressure got to do with parents?
"Adam scored 5As", "Yeay! My darling daughter just completed her 6th stage in her reading programme and she's only 4 years old", "Ani's latest gadget (a caption for a picture)". Isn't these familiar? Parents are constantly bombarded with such statement from relatives and friends. These days, it gets worse, because you no longer wait for the family reunion or reunion with friends to experience this dreadful comparisons between their children and your children, thanks to technology, you get updates every second, even those you wish you didn't see or read!
So just how do you ensure that you stay strong and positive about your own children despite the constant updates? The most important thing to remember is that every child is unique. Every child has his own strengths and weaknesses. It is our knowledge of our children's strengths and weaknesses that will guide us through those times when you sometimes go "wow" at others' children and start wondering whether your children are fine or otherwise. Whenever you read or observe something that effects you, makes you feel down, quickly recall the wonderful things your children have mastered and achieve. Each of our children has their own unique abilities and interests, if only we take time to see and appreciate their uniqueness, we surely can spare ourselves from feeling disturbed by the achievement of others. We need to learn to embrace and celebrate each child's uniqueness and abilities.
There is this concept of multiple intelligence which I will write about soon to help parents understand that not every child is strong academically. Some may strengths in the creative field. Some may have strengths in the technical field and so many more. Our ability to accept this fact will also help us in feeling good about our children. What ever strengths our children have, they can succeed when we ourselves have successfully acknowledge those strengths and give them a chance to grow and bloom with those strengths. I pray and hope that all parents out there stay focused on your children's strengths. So go out and embrace your children's uniqueness!
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
Low Cost School Holiday Activities
School is out and it's time for some serious fun for the kids. Have you got plans for your kids? School holidays do not need to involve activities that will burn a hole in your pocket. School holiday is a good time to train children with some life skills. It is also a good time to rekindle love among family members, as during schooling season, the children are usually bombarded with homework and the endless tuition and after school activities, not forgetting the busy parents as well. So, this is a great time to catch up and have fun together while instilling love and positive values in our children.
There are plenty of activities that you can plan ahead for you and your children which will not cost you so much. Here are some of the things I like to share with all parents out there. Some of these things are what I usually do and some are things I plan to do this holidays.
Movie night
How wonderful will it be to snuggle up on a cosy sofa with some home made snack watching a movie everyone in the family loves? I've got a list of movies suitable for everyone in the family that we will be watching this holidays.
Movie party with friends
Let the kids have some fun with friends. Allow you children to invite around 2 or 3 closest friends to watch a movie together in your house. Provide some healthy snacks for them.
Outdoor activities
The outdoor provides plenty of opportunity to have fun. Cycling, taking stroll in the park, picnic are among several things you can do. I personally love taking my children to parks for them to learn and explore more about nature. My kids love picking up leaves, an opportunity for me to teach them about size and shape, I also teach them the why some leaves are green while others are yellow/brown. My daughter is especially crazy of collecting biji saga these days, so we will go to the park and spend quite some time picking up the bright red seeds which she takes home to decorate or use it during play time as one of the items to cook. They also love chasing after birds and feeding them.
Water play
This is something every child loves. It is a wonderful activity they love so much, gives you some time to relax with your spouse and most importantly cost saving and easy. Those DIY plastic pools can be purchased at almost all supermarkets and it will cost you less than RM50 depending on the size. I have this pool at home, we just blow it up, fill it with water and let the kids play. Me and hubby will sit back and relax, enjoy the time chatting, drinking our favorite beverage or juice.
Art and Craft
There are plenty craft projects available online. Get some ideas there. You can also provide water colour, pencil colour, crayons and plenty of paper and allow children to just create their own art. In my family, art is an activity we love doing together. My husband happens to be a trained artist, so painting and coloring is something my children look forward too. They are given lots of opportunity to explore with colours. We frame their work and display them on the wall of our dining area.
There are plenty of activities that you can plan ahead for you and your children which will not cost you so much. Here are some of the things I like to share with all parents out there. Some of these things are what I usually do and some are things I plan to do this holidays.
Movie night
How wonderful will it be to snuggle up on a cosy sofa with some home made snack watching a movie everyone in the family loves? I've got a list of movies suitable for everyone in the family that we will be watching this holidays.
Movie party with friends
Let the kids have some fun with friends. Allow you children to invite around 2 or 3 closest friends to watch a movie together in your house. Provide some healthy snacks for them.
Outdoor activities
The outdoor provides plenty of opportunity to have fun. Cycling, taking stroll in the park, picnic are among several things you can do. I personally love taking my children to parks for them to learn and explore more about nature. My kids love picking up leaves, an opportunity for me to teach them about size and shape, I also teach them the why some leaves are green while others are yellow/brown. My daughter is especially crazy of collecting biji saga these days, so we will go to the park and spend quite some time picking up the bright red seeds which she takes home to decorate or use it during play time as one of the items to cook. They also love chasing after birds and feeding them.
Fun at the beach which does not cost much if you pack food and drinks from home
This is something every child loves. It is a wonderful activity they love so much, gives you some time to relax with your spouse and most importantly cost saving and easy. Those DIY plastic pools can be purchased at almost all supermarkets and it will cost you less than RM50 depending on the size. I have this pool at home, we just blow it up, fill it with water and let the kids play. Me and hubby will sit back and relax, enjoy the time chatting, drinking our favorite beverage or juice.
The fun time with water play at home
Art and Craft
There are plenty craft projects available online. Get some ideas there. You can also provide water colour, pencil colour, crayons and plenty of paper and allow children to just create their own art. In my family, art is an activity we love doing together. My husband happens to be a trained artist, so painting and coloring is something my children look forward too. They are given lots of opportunity to explore with colours. We frame their work and display them on the wall of our dining area.
My children during one of their art sessions
The two dragons produced by my son, Daanish.
Another art session, using chalks and drawing on the floor at the porch.
Cooking
Kids actually love it when mothers give them a chance to help out in the kitchen. By including them in the process of preparing meal, you instill the value of good nutrition, love by observing the effort you put in preparing wholesome meal for the family, names of vegetables and many more. It is more rewarding when they are invited to prepare their favorite meal or baking their favorite cookie.
The chocolate milk shake my kids made with my supervision
My daughter, Maya Sari busy with her cookies
Camping
Camping is so much fun yet we hardly find families do this. We've had some non Malaysian friends who asked us why don't Malaysian parents take their children for camping. I guess it is something many of us are not exposed to hence we don't even think about it as something possible to do with our children. I was first inspired to go camping when I read an article by an overseas blogger which you can read here. Off course camping requires a bit of planning. I found this list really helpful. First of all, scout around to find a place that is safe for you and family. I live in Sg Petani, Kedah after moving from Kuala Lumpur about two and half years ago. There's a wonderful beach called Pantai Merdeka which has a beautiful resort but also camping spot. This place is especially popular among families who love fishing. We decided to give it a try as it was a safe area with many other families too. We already have a tent, so what we needed were just some other basic supplies. We camped for one night, I prepared goodie bags for my children with several simple stuff to give them some activities to do besides star gazing and playing at the beach. It was truly an unforgettable experience which we definitely want to do again!
At the camping site
Simple breakfast prepared at the camping site
There you have several ideas for the coming holidays. I hope you and your family will have a joyful holiday.
Monday, August 19, 2013
KEEP THE GADGETS AWAY, GIVE YOUR CHILD THE MUCH DESERVED LIFE
Hello there.....I've been wanting to write this post for days already. I've been putting it off with the Eid celebration, entertaining the kids after our family from Kuala Lumpur left for home (after a week plus staying with us to celebrate Eid). What a wonderful and blessed Eid celebration it has been :) Today, this very moment, at 7.50 am with the cool weather (it was pouring rain at 6am) and the hubby's out sending our son to school and the lil princess still asleep, I am writing this post.
I've always believe that too much dependency on gadgets are bad for children. My son learnt to switch on the computer when he was only one and half years old. He would switch it on for us to play nursery rhymes and then moving on to watching Disney Pixar's CARS (his all time favorite). By the time he was four, he knows Youtube and where to get all the nursery rhymes and games. At this point I thought, I'd never buy a play station for him or any gadgets that will get him hooked on for hours just playing games. I was so worried that gadgets would provide him with so much fun that learning becomes boring. I am especially worried because our education system is already so boring. However, living in the era where everyone (well, at least almost everyone) has access to internet, latest handphone with multi functions and tablets, I know I cannot keep it away completely from my children. I also fear that if I do not expose them to these things, they'd be left behind. So the solution to it, is to allow with limits. My son was allowed to use the internet for 30 minutes everyday after school once all his home work is completed. It was much easier to manage my son. My problems started when my husband bought an iPad. He then allowed the children to play games and watched videos on it. What magic it does, the iPad can really be a substitute for a baby sitter, the kids can sit on the couch for hours just playing games and watch videos after videos. During one of our adventure trip to the Lenggong Valley, a guy we met said "It's money worth spent, when you can get something like this as a baby sitter". I am guilty too. Especially at times when I am occupied and didn't have much time to organize stuff for the kids, I'd just pass the iPad to them, so much so that they've got accustomed to it, that my three year old daughter screams and cries whenever we don't allow her to use the iPad.
I know this has to stop, been thinking about it, delaying from one week to another. Thanks to Maxis which came up with an excellent Raya advertisement in which an urban boy went back to the kampung with his family to celebrate Raya. He's so used to gadgets that the first few days was a torture for him as he could not access the internet (actually his younger cousin in the kampung hid the wifi modem), he finally started playing with his younger cousin and they had so much fun without any gadget. Seeing this, I said "I am going to take up this challenge." So come Raya, we took the iPad away. My kids played and interacted a lot with their cousins. When they're not playing, I'd see all four of them busy drawing, coloring, and more drawing and coloring. What a wonderful situation. And the best part is, I didn't have to put up with screams and cries and fights over the iPad anymore!
When you come to think of it, there are so many activities that children can do or we can get our kids involve in besides playing games or watching videos on tablets or handphones. All you need is a little bit of planning and some organizing. Life gets much better and easier when you plan. Don't be worried with the word plan and organize, stuff to do with children are simple. After all, children need time for free play as well. Hence activities which you need to plan and organize will not take so much of your time.
Here are some stuff you can do with your children to fill in time. There are also stuff you can do to teach life skills. At the same time, some of this activities are important in promoting optimal development in your children.
Indoor Activities
Drawing, coloring and painting are a good way of cultivating creativity. It allows children to express their ideas and communicate to us how they see things. If you allow children to paint and color freely, you too will learn to appreciate uniqueness and individuality. What's more important is that it allows children to be creative. Creativity is a skill much needed in life. Besides developing creativity, art and craft helps in enhancing hand eye coordination and strengthens hand and finger muscles. Strong hand muscles are important to help children in writing once they start schooling.
Building blocks such a Lego is another activity that strengthens your children's fine motor skills plus it does wonderful things to their brains. It requires children to think how to construct objects. It is also an activity that allows children to develop problem solving skills. Whenever stuck in certain stages, they will have to find ways to reconstruct. Once done, it provides them with a sense of achievement, a crucial element in developing confidence and self-esteem.
Which child doesn't love cooking and baking? Children are actually amazed with the food you create in your kitchen. My son and daughter are always up to asking me if they can help with this and that when I prepare meals. I have a stool for each of them at the kitchen island so that can help anytime they want. Sometimes, I would even ask them if they'd like to bake something. Just like two days ago, I asked them if they would like to bake a rainbow cake. My daughter was adamant at first because she wanted to paint, so I let her do some painting. Once done, she was all eager to bake the rainbow cake. It was 5.30pm and I said "Let's go and bake." So she helped me with filling up cups with flour, sugar and then mixing the batter and finally mixing color to have the rainbow effect. By 6.30pm we had fresh rainbow cake from the oven. Both the kids were smiling ear to ear to see the rainbow cake and could not wait to eat! Again a sense of achievement. Plus they grow to be more loving because they know what it takes for their mother to prepare fresh food for the family. It also teaches them the importance of eating healthily.
Outdoor Activities
There are plenty of things you can do outdoor. Children love cycling. When I am occupied, I lock the gates and allow them to cycle within the house compound. Once I am done with work, I'd accompany them cycle to the playground where they get to meet their friends and play. This evening play sessions are very important in a child's growing years. For a child to grow healthily and to strengthen their motor development, they need an hour of outdoor play daily. They should be allowed to run around the field, climb the climbing tower at the playground, hang and swing on the monkey bar. Besides physical development, such time that they are given to play with friends also enhances their social skills. They learn to communicate, they learn to share, they learn to wait for their turn and they learn to give and take.
Water play is another fun activity that any child will love. Get a mobile swimming pool which you can fix and then keep once they're done playing. Fill it up with toys or even plastic bottles and just let children have a blast! If space is an issue, you can always allow them to have fun in the bathroom with some supervision. For several years after my kids no longer needed their baby bath tub, I still kept the tub for them to play once in a while. They would just fill up water and toys and have fun.
There are plenty of stuff you can do with your children to keep them happy and to help them grow healthily. The gadgets are just an easy way of handling children but it has devastating effects on their growth. Let's stop depending on the gadgets and give our children the growing experience they deserve.
I've always believe that too much dependency on gadgets are bad for children. My son learnt to switch on the computer when he was only one and half years old. He would switch it on for us to play nursery rhymes and then moving on to watching Disney Pixar's CARS (his all time favorite). By the time he was four, he knows Youtube and where to get all the nursery rhymes and games. At this point I thought, I'd never buy a play station for him or any gadgets that will get him hooked on for hours just playing games. I was so worried that gadgets would provide him with so much fun that learning becomes boring. I am especially worried because our education system is already so boring. However, living in the era where everyone (well, at least almost everyone) has access to internet, latest handphone with multi functions and tablets, I know I cannot keep it away completely from my children. I also fear that if I do not expose them to these things, they'd be left behind. So the solution to it, is to allow with limits. My son was allowed to use the internet for 30 minutes everyday after school once all his home work is completed. It was much easier to manage my son. My problems started when my husband bought an iPad. He then allowed the children to play games and watched videos on it. What magic it does, the iPad can really be a substitute for a baby sitter, the kids can sit on the couch for hours just playing games and watch videos after videos. During one of our adventure trip to the Lenggong Valley, a guy we met said "It's money worth spent, when you can get something like this as a baby sitter". I am guilty too. Especially at times when I am occupied and didn't have much time to organize stuff for the kids, I'd just pass the iPad to them, so much so that they've got accustomed to it, that my three year old daughter screams and cries whenever we don't allow her to use the iPad.
I know this has to stop, been thinking about it, delaying from one week to another. Thanks to Maxis which came up with an excellent Raya advertisement in which an urban boy went back to the kampung with his family to celebrate Raya. He's so used to gadgets that the first few days was a torture for him as he could not access the internet (actually his younger cousin in the kampung hid the wifi modem), he finally started playing with his younger cousin and they had so much fun without any gadget. Seeing this, I said "I am going to take up this challenge." So come Raya, we took the iPad away. My kids played and interacted a lot with their cousins. When they're not playing, I'd see all four of them busy drawing, coloring, and more drawing and coloring. What a wonderful situation. And the best part is, I didn't have to put up with screams and cries and fights over the iPad anymore!
When you come to think of it, there are so many activities that children can do or we can get our kids involve in besides playing games or watching videos on tablets or handphones. All you need is a little bit of planning and some organizing. Life gets much better and easier when you plan. Don't be worried with the word plan and organize, stuff to do with children are simple. After all, children need time for free play as well. Hence activities which you need to plan and organize will not take so much of your time.
Here are some stuff you can do with your children to fill in time. There are also stuff you can do to teach life skills. At the same time, some of this activities are important in promoting optimal development in your children.
Indoor Activities
Drawing, coloring and painting are a good way of cultivating creativity. It allows children to express their ideas and communicate to us how they see things. If you allow children to paint and color freely, you too will learn to appreciate uniqueness and individuality. What's more important is that it allows children to be creative. Creativity is a skill much needed in life. Besides developing creativity, art and craft helps in enhancing hand eye coordination and strengthens hand and finger muscles. Strong hand muscles are important to help children in writing once they start schooling.
Building blocks such a Lego is another activity that strengthens your children's fine motor skills plus it does wonderful things to their brains. It requires children to think how to construct objects. It is also an activity that allows children to develop problem solving skills. Whenever stuck in certain stages, they will have to find ways to reconstruct. Once done, it provides them with a sense of achievement, a crucial element in developing confidence and self-esteem.
Which child doesn't love cooking and baking? Children are actually amazed with the food you create in your kitchen. My son and daughter are always up to asking me if they can help with this and that when I prepare meals. I have a stool for each of them at the kitchen island so that can help anytime they want. Sometimes, I would even ask them if they'd like to bake something. Just like two days ago, I asked them if they would like to bake a rainbow cake. My daughter was adamant at first because she wanted to paint, so I let her do some painting. Once done, she was all eager to bake the rainbow cake. It was 5.30pm and I said "Let's go and bake." So she helped me with filling up cups with flour, sugar and then mixing the batter and finally mixing color to have the rainbow effect. By 6.30pm we had fresh rainbow cake from the oven. Both the kids were smiling ear to ear to see the rainbow cake and could not wait to eat! Again a sense of achievement. Plus they grow to be more loving because they know what it takes for their mother to prepare fresh food for the family. It also teaches them the importance of eating healthily.
Outdoor Activities
There are plenty of things you can do outdoor. Children love cycling. When I am occupied, I lock the gates and allow them to cycle within the house compound. Once I am done with work, I'd accompany them cycle to the playground where they get to meet their friends and play. This evening play sessions are very important in a child's growing years. For a child to grow healthily and to strengthen their motor development, they need an hour of outdoor play daily. They should be allowed to run around the field, climb the climbing tower at the playground, hang and swing on the monkey bar. Besides physical development, such time that they are given to play with friends also enhances their social skills. They learn to communicate, they learn to share, they learn to wait for their turn and they learn to give and take.
Water play is another fun activity that any child will love. Get a mobile swimming pool which you can fix and then keep once they're done playing. Fill it up with toys or even plastic bottles and just let children have a blast! If space is an issue, you can always allow them to have fun in the bathroom with some supervision. For several years after my kids no longer needed their baby bath tub, I still kept the tub for them to play once in a while. They would just fill up water and toys and have fun.
There are plenty of stuff you can do with your children to keep them happy and to help them grow healthily. The gadgets are just an easy way of handling children but it has devastating effects on their growth. Let's stop depending on the gadgets and give our children the growing experience they deserve.
Friday, June 28, 2013
Cultivating the Spirit of Ramadhan in Our Young Ones
Salam all....it has been a while since I last updated this blog. With Ramadhan approaching, I am sure we are all making preparations physically and spiritually to welcome and embrace the holy month, Ramadhan, the month every Muslim eagerly waits for.
I have something I'd like to share with my fellow Muslim parents out there to help one another in cultivating the spirit of Ramadhan in our little angels. I came across this awesome Ramadhan Journal published by Yayasan Pendidikan Khalifah while browsing through my Facebook account. It caught my attention, did not think much and ordered three copies of the journal which is being sold at RM10 each.
The journal divides the holy month of Ramadhan into three phases with ten days in each phase and goals to be achieved in each phase. It is also packed with information related to the details of fasting, events that took place during the month of Ramadhan, stories about our beloved Prophet Muhammad SAW and many more. Not only packed with information but it contains many interesting activities to strengthen knowledge on Islam.
I definitely recommend this to all parents. It is a good resource to help us in teaching our young ones about fasting. The journal provides a well structured guide for parents to train their kids on fasting, performing solat and imparting knowledge about Islam. Parents can use this journal to discuss about daily activities and goals the night before to mentally, spiritually prepare their kids for fasting and performing good deeds. It is a good resource to help children internalize the spirit of Ramadhan and enjoy this holy month, just like my 8 year old son who is so eager waiting for Ramadhan as he had his first experience of fasting the whole month last year and understanding the reasons behind it plus the good feeling he felt when off course our iman is in checked.
You may call 03 - 4256 6810 or 013 - 284 9555 to purchase your copy.
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Loving This Magazine!!!!
The colorful cover of this magazine caught my eyes while walking out a sundry shop and I was "wow, they have this magazine now!" My two angels love watching Oh My! English and when I saw this magazine, I didn't think twice, just picked it up and paid for it.
A wonderful creative magazine with lots of information, interesting activities, comic strips that are fun to read. What's most important is that it is colourful with so many pictures unlike the boring school activity books. At only RM5, I say "why not?"
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Little Praises That Go a Long Way
Little Praises That Go a Long Way
My son’s first Taekwondo sparring experience inspired me to write this entry. Last Thursday, we (myself, husband and daughter) accompanied our son to his taewkondo lesson as usual. You may be thinking, accompany the boy? Yes, we sit there watch him train for a good 1 hour and a half. This is a way of how we support him in his interest and it encourages him to go for what he loves.
Just after the warming up session, the instructor instructed several kids to put on all the required gear for sparring. Then suddenly, she pointed at my son asking him to get ready as well. I was shocked and worried, my son had just attended four lessons to date. But off course, I cannot show whatever I am feeling inside on my face, as it will only scare my son. So I stood there, acted cool and gave my thumbs up to show my son that I know he can do it. Thank god he was cool too and went up, did what he needed to do and made us proud. Right after the lesson, we took him out for a drink. We discussed about his sparring, giving specifics on how well he did at certain points. I told him “Given that you’ve only attended four lessons, you did very well just now, you even knocked your opponent down.”
He is happy with his achievement that night and it has certainly pushed his confidence further up.
The little praises we give to children matter a lot. Praises serve as an affirmation of children’s ability or strength in some given skills. It informs children that we adults know that they are good. Just as how we adults crave for acknowledgement at work or from our partners, the same goes for children. It is even more important for children to hear praises because they are in the crucial stage of development. Effective praise is associated to confidence, self-esteem and feeling secure. It is also a way of encouraging children to explore their surrounding and gain more skills.
Spend some time and observe your children, find moments that you can effectively praise them for you do not want to praise too often that it falls on deaf ears. Stay tuned, I will update this blog with another entry on how parents can effectively praise their lil’ ones.
Have fun with your lil’ ones and say those magical words! :)
Saturday, June 16, 2012
The Wonders of Pretend Play
Just the other day, my 2 year old girl was playing with her doll when she said "Mama, my baby wants to walk." She took her doll and tucked it in the toy stroller, came to me, "Mama, open the door." and held my hand, signaling that I accompany her for a walk with her "baby". So, out we go for a walk. We walked a good twenty minutes around the neighborhood.
We often find ourselves being entertained by children who become spider man, doctor, cook, teacher or best of all become their own mom! Bear in mind how strong is the power of modeling!
Why do they love being someone else? Pretend play is a natural way of how children learn many things around them as well as acquire lots of skills crucial in their development and finally to venture into the world.
The benefits of pretend play includes:
- Explore imaginations
- Develop language skills
- Develop social skills
- Encourage development of good problem solving skills
- Develop the ability to understand things from the view of others
- Acquire essential life skills from adults
- Explore the world beyond
- Develop a sense of confidence.
With all these benefits, let’s not underestimate the power of play. Engage in play sessions with your child, build strong bonds with them and not to forget build lasting intelligence as well. Happy playing! :)
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
The Strong-Willed Child
My first child was an easy baby, one who listens when you reason with him, one who has patience, one who is calm and he is a BOY. So when my doctor told me that I was expecting a girl as my second child, I candidly thought "okay, she'll be easy too..." How wrong was I to make such an assumption! My daughter turns to be the total opposite of her brother. She is not the kid who will easily give up on her wants, not even with logic reasoning. She is persistent, brave, daring and will do anything that interests her with no fear.
I’ve raise my first child pretty well, though of course, there are bound to be some challengers. But with a strong-willed girl, at times I find myself at wits' end as to how best shall I raise her, be her greatest fan and greatest partner. I know it is definitely good that she's strong willed. This is the very characteristic of a go-getter, a self-driven, and a motivated person. With strong-willed children you’ve got to be very tactful on how you deal with them for you do not want to kill the confidence they have. Here’s an article I’d like to share, giving you 10 Tips for Positive Parenting Your Strong-Willed, Spirited Child. Enjoy!
Dr. Laura Markham Parenting Your Strong-Willed Child
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
The Many Ways to Bond......
Arriving home at 7pm after work, it gives me limited amount of time to spend with my kids before they head for the bed by 9.30pm. But last night I think I managed to make the most it.As I stood at the island in my kitchen, preparing fish and chips for dinner, my son came running asking if he can help. Readily, I said "yeah....sure you can...come on...sprinkle some salt on the fish." Then came my two year old pretty princess who cleverly took her stool to the sink, stood on it and tried to wash her cup and several utensils in the sink, I just let her enjoy that moment of independence washing, playing with water while I and my son continued with our fish and chips. We didn't just cook, we chatted as well, with my son telling me about his day and the things he did and encountered. My typical evening of preparing dinner turned out to be such a fulfilling moment besides preparing a wholesome meal seasoned with love and joy for my family, it was a time for us to bond with them plus At the same time, I get free help without yelling or shouting; a good way to instill altruism in children.
Have you experience this before? Wasn't it such a pleasant and memorable moment? Working mothers often find it hard juggling the many roles and responsibilities. With the ever increasing demand from work, we often find it difficult to have quality time with our children, to be able to bond with them, to inculcate values and morals in them. Though this is the situation, with some twist and good time management, we can do it. Take every opportunity you have like the above to bring your child closer to you. From what I see here, you don't just kill two birds with a stone, in fact more! Isn't this good? I say WHY NOT?
Go! Be creative and enjoy your kids.
Have you experience this before? Wasn't it such a pleasant and memorable moment? Working mothers often find it hard juggling the many roles and responsibilities. With the ever increasing demand from work, we often find it difficult to have quality time with our children, to be able to bond with them, to inculcate values and morals in them. Though this is the situation, with some twist and good time management, we can do it. Take every opportunity you have like the above to bring your child closer to you. From what I see here, you don't just kill two birds with a stone, in fact more! Isn't this good? I say WHY NOT?
Go! Be creative and enjoy your kids.
Friday, December 9, 2011
You want respect, you've gotta give it!
The idea of this article came to me recently during an outing with my son at a departmental store. Were walking when a lady knocked into my son and just walked away without saying a word, "You knock people and you cannot even say sorry?" said my son. This came from a young boy who is only 6 years of age, the lady I must be in her forties and sadly she left her manners elsewhere and a young boy had to remind her of it. I don't know if she heard what my boy said, what more will she think of that statement.
We adults are so eager teaching respect to children and demand it from them. We are busy teaching children to respect us that we forget, respect is earned and not given! We love to think that kids have to respect adults because we are adults, as if its programmed, automatic.
Respect is an element in life that is earned. You need to model it in order for children to emulate. Just as much as you want children to respect you, you too need to respect them. In our day to day hassle, some parent yell at their children to get things done or when children don't behave in the manner parents expect. You may see an instant result but not a lasting one. The children merely respond the way you want them to, out of fear, not respect, hence the change is not a long term one. Let's make a change. Learn ways to teach respect.
More tips on this here:
Thursday, December 1, 2011
No Labels, No Limits! - My Child Malaysia - The Best Online Resource Guide to Parenting
No Labels, No Limits! - My Child Malaysia - The Best Online Resource Guide to Parenting
The above article is an excellent one that should be an example to many parents. A child can achieve success in many ways even if they may not be academically inclined. I have worked with many parents to make them understand this. Yes, it is definitely not easy to accept that a child has special needs or may not be inclined to academics, but how far can our children go with the pressure that we keep putting on them to achieve something they have no ability in? Why not celebrate the gift in them and allow them to grow and succeed in the things they are capable in? This makes me wonder if it is our dreams we're trying to fulfill through our children ~ a thought to ponder on.
Distance Parenting – from a mother’s perspective
It was in Feb 2010 when my husband decided that he was going to start a business in Sg.Petani, Kedah. When he made this decision, he gave me the option to choose to move to SP or to continue living in KL. All my life, I have been in KL. I just could not imagine going to any other state, thinking how much advanced KL is. After much thought, we both agreed that we were going to live separately until our first child completes his pre-school in KL, ensuring that he has solid foundation and a good start in education, which means we will live apart for two years. Discussing this was not easy, but once we had the decision, we felt better, relieved in a way that I know my son will get good English start at an English medium school in KL and I do not have to be away from my comfort place, KL. But when the day came to sent my husband off, how heavy my heart was that I will never want to relive that experience ever again. It was so difficult for me and my son and moreover now that I have a baby, only 3 months old at that time.
It was the most testing time of my life, having to juggle everything on my own without the support of my other half. My son who is very attached to my husband is badly affected in the first few weeks. He would cry at night, he would cry in the morning before going to school, refusing food and when asked to eat, he will break down and cry telling me he misses his father. He became a little sensitive at the beginning. So I had to ensure that all communication with my son has to be done tactfully. I would call my husband to allow my son to speak to his father every time he asks about his father. I had to make arrangements on weekends to take my kids out and have a good time so that their weekends will be as same as the weekends they use to have when their father was in KL.
In a way, I was their mama and abah at the same time, I remember spending good time at night with my son to read him good story books, I took this opportunity to instill spiritual knowledge and practice in my son during those trying times. As he tells me about his sorrow, I listen and emphatize, I teach him to look at the reasons why abah has to go away, why abah made that decision. I will invite him to pray with me, teach him the verses from the Holy Quran, and teach him to seek Allah’s help to relieve his sadness and to reunite us in the near future.
All of a sudden, I had to be on the go all the time, juggling with my baby, son and work. From getting them ready in the morning, cooking, teaching, nurturing to playing football, I did everything on my own. But thankfully, I had the greatest support from my parents and siblings.
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